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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up."

"The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave."

"It's really hard to balance work, family, and not caring about anything."

"My friend Billy... My friend Billy, Had an eight foot willy, dragged along the kitchen floor. His girl thought it was a snake, and whacked it with a rake and now it's only three foot four."

"To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty."

"The only food in Hell is the part of the popcorn kernel that gets stuck between your teeth. Also they have an Olive Garden."

"Why did the Vietnamese woman get a career as a prostitute? Because she likes Dongs."

"What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!"

"When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say ""Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"""

"What do dwarfs and midgets have in common? Very little."