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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up."

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"""Oh I'll be your relationship status alright..."" -me sleeping outside this Taco Bell"
"[closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* ""did you take a knife to a job interview"""
"Today I quit drinking for good now I only drink for evil"
"My buddy has a telescope but I don't think he uses it for astronomy. I asked what his favourite constellation was and he said, ""Samantha""."
"What do you call a military base that has quadrupled in size? Four-tified"
"What do you call a Mesoamerican unicorn? Unimaize"
"How do you know you've been making too many jokes? When the wordplay becomes wordwork."
"What's the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out."
"[turns up radio in the car] Me: I love this song. I want us to conceive our first child to it Hitchhiker: dude just drop me off here"
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