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Joke of the Day

"Me: Read this tweet. Wife: Sure. Me: Is it racist? Wife: No. Me: Sexist? Wife: No. Me: Is it offensive at all? Wife: No. Me: *deletes tweet*"

"I decided to start growing a beard. I didn't like it at first but it's starting to grow on me."

"My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that's how the fight started."

"How awesome were the 50s? None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals."

"if we know your religion, stance on gun control & how many kids you have just by looking at your car, you have way too many bumper stickers"

"What do Lady Gaga and E. L. James have in common? They both wrote bad romance."

"What is Shakespeare's favourite snack? Hamlet du fromage"

"I would never get a minivan because I can't even think of 7 people I'd want to be stuck in a vehicle with."

"What does a constipated virgin think about this punchline? He doesn't give a fuck or a shit."

"How is prison like quidditch? The game ends when they catch the snitch"