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Joke of the Day
"I decided to start growing a beard. I didn't like it at first but it's starting to grow on me."
Next Joke
"finally found a way to refer to myself + dog in a way that's creepier than the mother/child dichotomy: FUR HUSBAND and SKIN WIFE"
"What a Chinese Restaurant Owner's Preferred License Plate? 888 MSG"
"[Anteater eats some termites] [looks up to heaven] ""YOU DON'T CONTROL ME, GOD! YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU NAMED ME!"""
"I hear Superman is a very overprotective parent. His kids are under constant super-vision."
"Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green. Its sublime"
"I can always tell how good my weekend was by how many pictures I have to untag on Monday."
"I speak 3 languages. Unfortunately no one else in the world speaks 2 of them."
"Good kid joke. Lame adult joke. Knock knock. Who's there? Salad. Salad who? It's the salad! Lettuce in!"
"*on phone* He: so where is this going, babe? Me: *dumps pop rocks into mouth* I can't hear you...reception's bad!!"