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Joke of the Day

"My son decided to help me clean the car today. After ten minutes of watching him, I told him to use some elbow grease. Two hours later, the idiot came back and told me that he couldn't find it."

"Which is better a stool or a box to stand on? You stand on a stool, though I prefer the ladder"

"A man walks into a bar. He bashed his head. What did you think would have happened?"

"I'm reading a book about Zeno's Paradox. I'm not quite halfway through it."

"Which Nordic country should you never be a part of? Finland. Once you're a citizen, that's it! You're Finnish! It's over."

"People always say that obesity runs in their family... I don't know about you but in my family obesity waddles in my family"

"Star Wars (1977): A wounded warrior overcomes severe burn injuries to build a massive empire only to see his estranged son destroy it."

"[dentist chair] how's school? *I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth* oh sorry *puts hand in my mouth* how's school?"

"What do you call the side door of a brothel in Westeros? Hodor"

"I wish my name was Grudge. This way my wife would hold on to me forever."