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Joke of the Day

"Just purchased one of those wigs that lawyers in England wear to put on when I have an argument with my wife."

"What do you call homeless BDSM? Vagabondage."

"Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter..."

"To hell with syncing the Titanic... I named my iPhone ""ass"" so I could back that ass up."

"Did you hear about the feminist light bulb? It empowers itself"

"How does Moses prepare his coffee? Hebrews it."

"He took both kids grocery shopping by himself so I could ""relax"" so now I'm sitting here suspicious that he's done something to piss me off."

"What's the difference between a firstborn prince and a baseball? A baseball is thrown to the air."

"According to my doctor it would be best for my health to stay away from trans fats I'm really gonna miss Tumblr."

"[doorbell] ""Hi, do you have time to discuss the Bible?"" ""You have cookies?"" ""No, sir I-"" ""Come back when you have cookies."" *closes door*"