37120

Joke of the Day

"I asked my band teacher to raise my F He gave me an FF instead."

"Q: How do small people call each other? A: On microphones."

"Just found out why they replaced Gav in the Autoglass advertisements, apparently he died of indigestion. RIP #gavisgone."

"People come up to me all the time in the street and they say to me, they say, ""Joe, what's the difference between Hag Shavuot and Hag Ha-Katzir?"" And I say to them, I say, ""Oh, about fifty bucks."""

"Did you hear about the boy born without eyelids? The doctors said they could give the boy eyelids made out of his foreskin. The only problem is that he would be a little cockeyed."

"My son was kicked out of school when a girl came in and wanked him off... I said, ""Son, that's 3 schools already... Maybe teaching isn't for you."""

"Why couldn't Sally use the swings? She had no arms Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for her Birthday? We don't know, she didn't open it yet."

"Cop: Tell me again why you pulled out scissors and gave her bangs. Me: She was flirting with a hot dad that I had my eye on."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the little bitch's house."

"I'm the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream."