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Joke of the Day

"Kill them with kindness, you say? *slowly and sadly puts down bazooka*"

"If I am farther than you in candy crush I will automatically think im smarter than you."

"Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel? It's for the Christmas period."

"What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? Comet!!"

"""Daddy, do you like princesses?"" ""Yes."" ""Why?"" ""Well usually they have a nice set of ti-"" Wife: ""Shut it."" ""I WILL NOT LIE TO MY SON."""

"I work as a product designer for a condom company. This annoying frog keeps advising me on my designs. ""Rib it! Rib it!"""

"Why did the cowboy buy a Dachshund? Because he wanted to get-a-long-little-doggy"

"What is the ONLY good trait of pedophiles? They always stick to the speed limit in front of schools."

"Eminem made $3.3 mil for 2 concerts over the weekend. Can't WAIT to hear his next album, about how shitty his life is"

"What did the river say when it saw the beavers? I'll be dammed."