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Joke of the Day

"Who was the first person Aaron Hernandez called after the shooting? Wes Welker. Everyone knows you need a white Bronco to get away with murder."

"Tried to make a video seductively licking the frosting from an Oreo, but got excited and ate the whole thing. Twenty times."

"2 scientists enter a bar... The first scientist asks the bartender : ""H2O please"" and drinks his water. The second scientist asks : ""H2O too please"", drinks it and dies."

"The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside."

"I'm giving up sex for Lent.. .. It shouldn't be too hard."

"People ranked their favorite meats...but the survey was flawed and inconsequential. The steaks weren't very high"

"Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the ""Like"" button."

"A guy with a gun enters a bar... ""Who the fuck had sex with my wife?"" He snarled. A voice was heard in the background, ""You don't have enough bullets mate!"""

"The closest I've been to murder is holding my choco-chip cookie under the milk until the bubbles stop..."

"I asked my friend if I could borrow some money for condoms.... He gave me five bucks, and I told him ""Thanks for the *fucking* money."""