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Joke of the Day

"The closest I've been to murder is holding my choco-chip cookie under the milk until the bubbles stop..."

"Waiter there's a fly in my soup! Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em."

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow? You can't keep milking the dead cow for 13 years"

"Recycling Jesus died for our bins."

"What do you call someone who murders a hundred people with a potato masher? A mash murderer."

"What does a dishonest frog say? FIBBET"

"[USPS] M: *hands change of address form* C: Ma'am, this just says ""bathtub."" M: I live there now. C: We can't send mail to a bathtub. M: Yay"

"If Tom Brady joined Nickelback... They'd become 30 cents."

"If anything is used to its full potential, it will break."

"Kid: Are you the babysitter? Sting: Yes. Every breath you take. Every step you take. I'll be watching you. It'll be fun! Kid: *horrified*"