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Joke of the Day

"Don't you hate when somebody gives you the finger in traffic and then you have to follow them home and loosen the lug nuts on their wheels."

"What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court ? Annette !"

"If McDonalds sold hot dogs would you be able to (w/ a straight face) order a McWeiner and tell them to supersize it?"

"Why'd the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong pair of socks."

"QUESTIONS YOU CAN ANSWER BY PEEING ON THINGS: 1. Am I pregnant? 2. Does my boss have a very forgiving nature?"

"Two TV antennas got married last weekend. The wedding was nothing special, but the reception was excellent."

"Hubby took the kids downstairs and is letting me sleep in! I'm so excit..never mind, I hear crying already. I think it's my husband."

"Don't know if the boss will appreciate my sense of humor in this meeting, but either way the stripper is already paid for."

"I identify as a sexual atheist With a strong belief that I will never get laid."

"A guy is out to dinner with his wife... Wife: See that drunk guy at the bar? Guy: Yeah, what about him? Wife: He proposed to me 10 years ago, but I turned him down. Guy: Wow! He's STILL celebrating!"