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Joke of the Day

"I always get the last word in arguments with my girlfriend. I just say ""Yes ma'am"""

"The message in a bottle is probably my favorite form of communication that involves throwing garbage in the ocean."

"The police station installed ""Safe Spots"" for Craigslist sales... Which is great because I always met in a park under a tree but it always seemed so shady."

"Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know do you serve crabs? We serve anyone sir! Come on in!"

"Just tried to massage a stressed worm but I did it too hard and now it's dead and arguably more stressed than before"

"When you want to stop the blacks from hanging around your store so much... cut them down."

"How do you make a 4 year old girl cry twice? Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear."

"Who's this ""moderation"" people keep telling me to drink with?"

"I've been addicted to eating the Thanksgiving leftovers... ...so I decided to quit cold turkey."

"Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital."