36550

Joke of the Day

"I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it's wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it."

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"PLEASE LEAVE A VOICEMAIL (if you're calling from 1986)"
"Who is the scariest hobbit? Lorena"
"What do you call fans who take a trilogy way too seriously? Christians, Muslims, and Jews."
"I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we're walking home with a cart."
"A truck driver runs over a woman. Whose fault is it? The truck driver's, he was driving through her kitchen."
"Yesterday I took laxatives and laughing gas at the same time...... For shits and giggles."
"I might invent a new beer, call it ""Occasionally"". When people ask if I drink, I can say I drink Occasionally' this way they won't think i'm an alcoholic."
"What is a dog who crosses the street twice in an hour? A double crosser."
"(Offensive) Old enough to count... Old enough to mount ;)"