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Joke of the Day
"Yesterday I took laxatives and laughing gas at the same time...... For shits and giggles."
Next Joke
"What travels down an alley and has holes in it? A bowling ball. Or Bruce Wayne's parents."
"""someday this will all be yours"" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food"
"REMEMBER: If you mention another race, you're racist."
"How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb? No one knows. When the light turns on they scatter."
"Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says ""This is a repost."""
"Spice up your Facebook timeline when someone's status turns to ""It's complicated"" by posting ""thanks for last night"" underneath it."
"Just finished up some dusting. And by dusting I mean I blew on a shelf and then sneezed 6 times in a row."
"Women's hockey is the most dangerous sport... Twelve women, three periods each."
"I give my stoner friends fruitcake for Christmas just so I can imagine them hating me a little while they can't help eating it."