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Joke of the Day

"It blows my mind that people walk around acting like Steve Harvey won't jump out from behind a bush at any moment & murder them."

"MY NECK, MY BACK, A STRANGER TOOK MY CAT"

"Then: Me: I want McDonald's Mom: Do you have McDonald's money? Now: Mom: I want grandkids Me: Do you have grandkids money??"

"What's the only thing better than a gold medal at the Paralympics? Legs"

"Cop: A ghost killed your family? Guy: Yes! Cop: Did u forward yesterday's spooky chain email to 5 ppl? Guy: No? Cop: Well there you go."

"Did you hear about the masochist who like cold showers? He took warm ones instead."

"Knock Knock Who there? Control freak Contro... Now you say control freak who!"

"The term drinks like a fish is my family crest at an open bar:P"

"GEORGE WASHINGTON: We should put ""We Trust In God"" on our money THOMAS JEFFERSON: Great idea. Did you get that? YODA (taking notes): Yep"

"What do Jewish people drink after they spray tan? Orange Jews."