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Joke of the Day

"Two guys who vape walk into a bar I only know because they're naked on the bar blowing their vapes up each others' assholes right now."

"Donald Trump and Jeremy Clarkson are now in the same line of work The unemployment line"

"[at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!"

"Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."

"The more ""normal"" you try to be, the less interesting people like myself will find you."

"I'm Not Fucking Stupid .... ... I mean I used to, but we broke up."

"OK then - how 'bout this Roof joke? What's the new term for ""almost completely racist""? 180 Roof"

"Objects on twitter may appear funnier than they are."

"What do you call someone who can masturbate with either hand? Ambidickstrous"

"My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed."