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Joke of the Day

"[at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!"

"Dove: ..then he called me a fat pigeon! [sobs] Prince: ""There there, cry it out"" [starts recording] Um, you are a therapist, right? ""Sure"""

"Why can't you have a party on the moon? There's just no atmosphere"

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? You break his spine. (no hate Intended It's just funny)"

"Why did the python do national service ? He was coiled up !"

"Offensively sexual** Whats the worst part about eating hairless pussy? You have to put the diaper back on after."

"A man at a pub told me that he has no anus I told him he's full of shit"

"Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement."

"Recall how as children we were told not to make ugly faces because we'd ""stick that way?"" Careful. It works for dumbing ourselves down, too."

"WOMEN Woo men."