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Joke of the Day

"A joke I've been working on. So a guy dies in a car wreck. He wakes up waiting in a line labeled automotive accidents. The guy in front of him and says "" You from South Carolina too?"""

"Most of adulthood is getting upset over not being invited to things that you wouldn't have gone to even if you were invited"

"My girlfriend told me that if I ever cheated on her, it would be worse if it was with a black girl. I told her she was wrong. It'd only be three-fifths as bad."

"I didn't want to believe that my dad was fired for stealing from the transportation department But when I got home, the signs were all there."

"What are you going to do for a face? When the monkey wants its bum back? :D"

"Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged."

"if u don't like central stations ur gonna HATE grand central station"

"Why did Adele cross the road? Because she wanted to"

"What's black and found at the top of a stair case? Stephen Hawking after a house fire."

"It's rude to ask someone to courtesy flush, so I always offer them an ass mint instead. I'm a gentleman."