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Joke of the Day

"Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged."

"If the opposite of Pro is Con... What's the opposite of Progress?"

"Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn't cute."

"Let's legalize all drugs so Americans finally learn the metric system."

"Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny. I am not sorry."

"I'm not saying my wife's a fat,...... I'm not saying my wife's a fat, greedy bitch, but she's just cleaned the cooker with two fucking slices of bread."

"My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z .... ..... .... Wait... Shit..."

"Girl: Mom mom a monster's just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well keep out of the kitchen I've just washed the floor."

"My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident They will be mist... :'("

"Accidentally ran the wash with Ecstasy still in a back pocket. Now my jeans are freaking out, and the zipper won't stop grinding its teeth."