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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me that if I ever cheated on her, it would be worse if it was with a black girl. I told her she was wrong. It'd only be three-fifths as bad."

"Riding a car... A man, in *curve*, skids."

"If burglars broke into my apt, they'd look around, shake their heads and leave me some cash with a note that says 'get yourself some shit!'"

"It was so cold out today I actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up."

"the chipotle guy who never charges me extra for guacamole even though there's a big G on the foil. what are we?"

"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A CARROT"

"Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there's an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien."

"SCIENTIST: it's both man and machine ME: what's it called? S: I call it a cyborg M: I would have went with manchine S: *crushes test tube*"

"What's half of a tuba? A oneba."

"I LOVE YOU ... A man was out for a drink with his wife one night and he said, ""I love you"". The wife asked, ""Is that you or the beer talking"" He said, ""It's me........ I'm talking to the beer""!"