201928

Joke of the Day

"I didn't want to believe that my dad was fired for stealing from the transportation department But when I got home, the signs were all there."

"holy shit imagine a crab bringing you breakfast on a tray like a lil waiter"

"Why do Computer Scientists always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!"

"Wife: Are you crying in there? Me crying: NO! W: have you been eating cheese again? *opens door* Me with mousetrap stuck to lips: NO"

"Did you hear about the midget Scotsman who does avant garde strip tease? He's a little off kilter."

"N.W.A. writes a song called Fuck the Police and everybody loves it. I write a song called Fuck the Firemen and apparently I'm just an asshole."

"What happens when doughnuts join a sorority? They have to go through the glazing. I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order."

"What do you call a monster with two wooden heads? Edward Woodward."

"EXORCIST: the previous tenant was murdered. You can see their ghost in the background of this photo SPOOKY GHOST VOICE: oooomg deleeeete it"

"A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. Their lack of faith due to God forsaking mankind has driven them to alcoholism."