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Joke of the Day

"""Al-Qaeda: 'ISIS Goes Too Far'."" Ah the Middle East, where al-Qaeda is the voice of moderation."

"*turns on internet* computor, i need to take a break from trying to achieve one thing. show me all of the achievments of others all at once"

"I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree."

"pranking neighborhood teens by pulling my car into their driveway & putting a bow on it so they think their parents bought it for them"

"My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree."

"Some cool ways to trick a woman into bed include ""being kind,"" ""making her feel special"" & ""showing her respect."" They love that shit!"

"""Babe, is it in?"" *""Yea.""* **""Does it hurt?""** *""Uh huh.""* **""Let me put it in slowly.""** *""It still hurts.""* **""Okay, let's try another shoe size.""**"

"How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad? None, they were all minerals."

"I just ate a pizza covered in pepperoni and chillies. To be honest, I looked pretty ridiculous."

"Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 70% water. I can walk on babies. I'm... In prison."