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Joke of the Day

"Some cool ways to trick a woman into bed include ""being kind,"" ""making her feel special"" & ""showing her respect."" They love that shit!"

"I told my mate that I couldn't make his wedding as I'm going to a brothel. ""You fucking arsehole"" he said. ""Depends how much money I have""."

"What kind of car does George W. Bush drive? Porsche 9-11"

"Frisbee. I went to the park with my son and he brought his frisbee. We started throwing it around and after a while I started to wonder why frisbees get bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me..."

"What's the best part of having kids? Making them."

"Out of all the Thanes of the alphabet, who is the most grateful? Thane Q"

"Just Instagramed picture of a dog. Now I will have to eat it."

"A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200."

"If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll."

"Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning."