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Joke of the Day

"What kind of bread always goes wrong? A rye"

"Whats the best place to drive to in Iowa? The Middle. That way, you're always driving out of Iowa."

"How do you save a Republican from drowning? Take your foot off of their head."

"*wife grabs my wrist as I go overboard* Her: You're... slipping... Me: Pretend I'm the covers. *she easily pulls me to safety with one arm*"

"As I suspected, someone's been removing soil from my garden. The plot thins."

"- If any person believes that these 2 shouldn't be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or... - THE PRIEST ALREADY SAID THAT! - Ugh, I do."

"I dropped my nokia in the toilet didn't bother me since it's always been shitty."

"Why did two owls get arrested for the same crime? They were in ca*hoots*."

"""No way."" -Jose"

"A man has been arrested after a bungled attempted at the theft of a combine harvester, during which he fell into the working parts of the machine. Police expect him to be bailed tomorrow."