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Joke of the Day
"Why does noddy have bell on his hat? Because he is a cunt."
Next Joke
"What do you call a fat cow..? Your mum"
"[hotel] wife: I'm gonna go change. Find us a movie, ok? *winks* me: Ok! *wife comes out in lingerie* wife: What'd you pick? me: Space Jam"
"How do you spot a cheetah in the wild? You don't, they're already spotted!"
"TIL the creator of the Hokey Pokey died last week. Planning his funeral went fine until it was time to put him in the casket. They put his left foot in and that's when the trouble started."
"If I had a dollar for every time I said a racist comment, I would have 0 dollars Because some black guy would have robbed me"
"So I just saw the new fifty shades of grey movie It was pretty Greyt"
"Why are blacks excited for 2016? Because it is the year of the monkey."
"If your partner/spouse tells you they're not reading everything you tweet: A) they're lying B) hi honey!"
"My wife asked me recently to do something to commemorate our pet dog who got run over and killed last month. So I took a shit on the carpet."