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Joke of the Day

"I wanted to make my racing snail faster.. So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish."

"Karen: Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller ? Sharon: No why ? Karen: His head is sticking through his hair."

"I just ended a five year relationship. I feel like maybe that arguing couple at the store was none of my business."

"The phrase, ""Don't take this the wrong way"" has a zero percent success rate."

"What did the body-builder say after his house got robbed? No whey..."

"What did the Chinese guy think about assisted suicide? He was worried about the euthanasia..."

"I feel like Neil deGrasse Tyson would be the most annoying person in the world to watch Space Jam with"

"What do you get when you cross a nymphomaniac with a kleptomaniac? A fucking thief!"

"Batman doesn't have nightmares Nightmares have batman"

"Might buy a junkyard just to grow my own junk food."