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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a nymphomaniac with a kleptomaniac? A fucking thief!"

"I'm Winston Wolf, I fix problems. So I hear you're having a bad hair day."

"Pilot [on intercom]: You guys want to see a dead body?"

"What did the snail say riding on the turtles back WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read."

"A bloke in a wheelchair stole my camouflage stuff I told him 'you can hide but you can't run'."

"My favorite oxymorons: 1. Jumbo shrimp. 2. Act natural. 3. Boneless ribs. 4. Civil war. 5. Freezer burn. 6. Adult male. 7. Happy marriage."

"You left a note on the fridge saying ""This isn't working. Goodbye"" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it."

"Do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and saviour? No, sorry we only accept Visa or MasterCard."

"Doctor I swallowed a PEN!!! Doctor, Doctor I swallowed a PEN, WHAT DO I DO? Doctor: Use a pencil..."