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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so fat... that when she has threesomes the dudes never meet."

"I dumped my girlfriend, Ruth, the other day. I told myself I'm just gonna be Ruthless in love from now on."

"Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn't be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn't waste thousands of them in the '80s throwing them at Mario."

"My ex-girlfriend had a parakeet That fucking thing would never shut up. The bird was pretty cool though."

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants"

"[spelling bee finals] JUDGE: your word is ""asterisk"" KID: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: *adjusts mic* yes"

"How many people does it take to circumcise a whale? Foreskin divers"

"If you REALLY need to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time."

"I used to have a steering wheel in my pants But it was driving me nuts"

"Don't step outside tonight at 11:59pm You might not make it back till next year"