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Joke of the Day

"I dumped my girlfriend, Ruth, the other day. I told myself I'm just gonna be Ruthless in love from now on."

"[on Instagram] I don't really like this picture but, good for this person for still being alive and experiencing things. *likes their pic*"

"A German walks into a bar and orders a martini, the bartender asks ""dry?"" The German says ""Nein, just one"""

"I bet Rihanna will be on the cover of Chris Brown's greatest HITS CD."

"Something I told my mom when I was 6... Me: I know what planet has a black hole! Mom: Which one? Me: Uranus"

"Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar."

"I was told you have to wait an hour after you finish eating to swim. I didn't know there was such a thing as an hour after you finish eating"

"Why are baby cows considered lunch meat? Because calves are below-knee"

"I can't find a shark website.... That's cos you're dum dum dum dum dum dum dumb......"

"Damn boy, are you a wool sweater because you're irritating the shit out of me."