35325
Joke of the Day
"I childproofed my house, but they keep getting in."
Next Joke
"Ever heard of the movie ""Constipation""? Nope. --- That's because it hasn't come out yet."
"Men are like a bag of chips They seem full at first glance but when you look inside you see it's mostly just air."
"""I love you."" ""I love you, two."" Because multiple personality disorder."
"My relationship is like Monopoly. She gives me too many Chances."
"What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married? Ant-elopers."
"In Elevator... Ask ""What would Ray Rice do?"""
"I called the urologist's office for an appointment for erectile dysfunction. The girl on the phone checked the calendar and said, ""alright, let's see if we can get you in.."" I said, ""exactly."""
"My new computer is so fast that I told them to deliver it next Monday and it's here already."
"Me: Good night, moon. [30 mins later] Moon: I thought you went to bed. I saw you favorite that tweet. Why aren't you reading my messages?"