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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are in an oven The first one says, ""Boy, it sure is hot in here."" The second one says, ""Oh my god, it's a talking muffin!"""

"Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death."

"I invented the upside down house. It's now a top cellar."

"I before E except after C. Yes another myth disproven by science."

"A girl asked if I play any Indian instruments. I told her I play mandolin, violin and cello. Close, but no sitar."

"Why did the dinosaur eat the baby??? It didn't. Humans did not appear until after the extinction of dinosaurs."

"When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying"

"I've got an idea for who should run for President next... Hindsight, 2020."

"Okay stranger, it's clear that we walk at the exact same pace, speed up or at least hold my hand."

"Facebook needs an ""I've already seen this on Twitter"" button."