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Joke of the Day

"A girl asked if I play any Indian instruments. I told her I play mandolin, violin and cello. Close, but no sitar."

"I feel bad for all these athletes training for the Olympics in 2016 since we're all gonna die in 2012"

"If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib!"

"What did Magic Johnson give his teammates after winning an NBA title? A HI-V (high five)"

"Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit. One fly cuts a fart. The other one says, ""Hey! I'm eatin' here!"""

"Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction? Christopher something or other... Anyway, I heard that he's opening a new hospital. They're calling it the Walken clinic."

"What did the passenger broccoli say to the driver broccoli? Floret!"

"Motherhood is like being a fireman putting out fires but everyone is shouting out how you're doing it wrong and criticizing your sweatpants."

"Who is the king of the pencil case? The Ruler"

"""Will.he.was"" -Will.i.am's tombstone"