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Joke of the Day

"I just pretended to be on my phone in the elevator and then my phone rang. I'm going to close up shop emotionally for the day"

"The rush I get from completing a crossword puzzle leads me to believe that trying hard drugs would destroy my life within hours."

"Cheating is such an ugly way to put it. I like to think of it as outsourcing my sex life."

"Why couldn't the skeleton pay his bus fare? Because he was skint."

"Kanye tryin to get a parrot to talk, says to him: Polly want a cracker? Parrot look at Kanye, say Nigger want a watermelon?"

"On soy milk cartons, the missing kids are always named ""Skylar"" and were last seen getting into a Prius"

"Two potatoes are standing on the street corner, which one is the prostitute? The one that says Idaho"

"A black man walks into a police station... The police chief asks the cop... ""so did you shoot him? Did you choke him out? Whats the problem here?"""

"What's the biggest joke of all time? My life. My entire goddamned life."

"Why do men like blowjobs? It's the only thing that they get something straight inside a woman's head."