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Joke of the Day

"Why do men like blowjobs? It's the only thing that they get something straight inside a woman's head."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles"

"How dare you accept my apology, I wasn't really apologizing, that was a trick to get you to say that nothing was my fault"

"Whenever I get out of an Uber I imagine cameras spinning around me and my shirt blowing up in slo-mo like I'm in a Michael Bay movie."

"If I'm ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand."

"What should you never say to a brony? Hello"

"Did you hear about the gay Irish Dentists? Ben Dover and Phil Mcavity!"

"What does a vampire on a diet drink? Blood Lite Thanks Jim Butcher..."

"I like to think my father is looking down from heaven and smiling, but he's actually at an Indian casino with his new wife."

"""You have sexy calves."" -Pedophile bull"