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Joke of the Day

"A little girl and a little boy were sitting in a bathtub together.. The little girl looks down and asks, ""can I touch it?"" He answers, ""NO WAY- YOU ALREADY BROKE YOURS OFF!"""

"Grampa: Back in my day, we slept on broken glass, you dunno how lucky you are. Me: Grampa, please. We have Twitter, at least you GOT sleep."

"Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me: I didn't do... Cop:*cuffing me* Dispatch, we have a creepy clown in custody Me: These are my regular clothes"

"Whats the difference... Between a hormone and and enzyme? You cant hear an enzyme."

"What is Polish roulette? It's similar to Russian roulette, but instead of a revolver it's played with an automatic pistol."

"What did the collard green do when his favorite song came on the radio? He got turnip"

"Guys: Every two weeks, tell your lady that her new hairstyle looks great!!!! You might not notice it...... but trust me, they changed it. You can thank me later. "

"Our cats aren't enjoying the 90-degree heat. But I refuse to apologize for climate change until they apologize for pissing on the carpet."

"How do you catch a politician? With a special interest group, or evidence of a sex scandal."

"A tearful Ray Romano raises the gun to his temple. 'not everybody' he whispers 'not everybody'"