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Joke of the Day

"""Dad can we get a puppy?"" ""No but we can get a submarine if you like?"" [2 hours later 3000m beneath the pacific] ""dad I should be at school"""

"If only Africa had more mosquito nets... then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS."

"I once watched a documentary on ferns because the remote was out of reach."

"What's the saddest thing in the world... Dick, His family are nuts, His neighbor is an asshole, His best friend is a pussy, And his master beats him"

"Too bad Ray Rice didn't kill his wife, The Ravens would've just put a statue of him in front of the stadium."

"A new ISIS cell has been discovered in Italy They will be called Italian ices"

"If the Pope dies, does this means he got a promotion or he got fired?"

"At the liquor store: ""Hey, do you need help?"" ""Yes, but I come here instead"""

"How do you confuse an idiot? Seven."

"Me: Speak. C'mon, boy, speak. Dog: No, I'm mad at you."