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Joke of the Day

"What's the saddest thing in the world... Dick, His family are nuts, His neighbor is an asshole, His best friend is a pussy, And his master beats him"

"""<------------ people who don't want Ellen Pao to go."" --someone who's never getting to the front page"

"Q: Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon."

"""Mommy, why did Santa decide to deliver presents on Jesus' birthday."" Shits about to get REALLY dishonest up in here."

"Rule 34.34 of the internet If it exists, there is a repost of it."

"I like twitter because having one-sided conversations with virtually no feedback reminds me a lot of being a parent."

"1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl."

"Here's another great thing about hot tubs [pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under the water]"

"I post stuff in the wrong sub-reddits. AMA wait... FUCK"

"I need a joke for a medical residency interview! Halp!"