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Joke of the Day

"Me: Speak. C'mon, boy, speak. Dog: No, I'm mad at you."

"It costs today's parents $235,000 to raise a child. And that's just for the alcohol."

"What did sushi A say to sushi B? WASSA-B!!!"

"What do you get when a dragon sneezes? Out of the way. Thanks League smh"

"Do you like tapes and CDs? Cuz I'm about to tape my dick to your forehead so you can CDs nuts"

"If you're pulled over, wait for the cop to lean down to your window, then use their vulnerability to give them a quick peck on the cheek"

"Why is my Tetris highscore like my wife? I beat both of them for fun."

"Prison counts as a gated community, right?"

"What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her? You're getting too wrapped up in your work!"

"At this point the only thing Lady Gaga could do that would shock me is to come out on stage wearing a sensible pantsuit from Talbots."