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Joke of the Day

"What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? Every night they pop open a cold one."

"Why is UPS so great? They always deliver!"

"My watch broke a week ago I've been meaning to replace it but I don't have the time"

"The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart.. ..about how many of them are scared of Godzilla."

"I've been making an effort lately to be better with women. I'm trying to be more assertive, as well as insertive."

"Me: Time travel Interviewer: what's your biggest stren- holy shit"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? (nsfw, like any good joke) I can't jelly my cock up your ass."

"After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back ""Listen idiot, you're drunk. Just go lay down"""

"I rarely eat kale chips, but when I do-I eat them condescendingly and self-righteously."

"I like my girls like I like my pepperoni pizza White, full of fat and red dots all over them... :-("