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Joke of the Day
"I actually talked to real people this weekend. It was weird."
Next Joke
"Why do vultures find it easy to fly? They only ever have carrion baggage."
"What's the difference between mathematicians and Syrian refugees? Mathematicians don't struggle with integration."
"How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just Juan"
"Instagram couldn't complete your request at this time because nobody cares about your Sunday brunch."
"The neighbor's wife is gonna be so happy when she sees how much yardwork he got done today. -I think, laying out in a bikini in my backyard"
"AA MEETING Chairman: Please, introduce yourself Eminem: Hi! My name is.. C: What? E: My name is.. C: Who? E: Hi! My name is.. C: Huh?"
"If I was a Quidditch player I'd be the Seeker, because I'm really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something."
"What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She's going to be eating me!"
"Hey grocery store cashiers that try to guess what we're going to cook- Shut up."