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Joke of the Day

"If I was a Quidditch player I'd be the Seeker, because I'm really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something."

"""Bro, rumor has it ur dads emo now"" ""Emo? Nah yo, EMU"" ""Im confused.."" *A massive bird moonwalks in w/ a #1 Dad shirt* ""Hi confused, Im Dad"""

"What did the strawberry say on December 25th? Berry Christmas!"

"A guy with Apple maps walks into a bar... Or a church... Or a children's hospital"

"Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus? The answer is (B) a flounder. The other two are crushedAsians."

"Dumb number jokes: What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt."

"How do you measure how funny an electrical engineer is? You use an o-silly-scope!"

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending."

"Did you know that a male ejaculates at 27mph? That's why I always get in trouble when I do it in school zones."

"What did the Jewish father say when his daughter asked for fifty bucks? What are you going to spend forty dollars on, I mean really why do you need thirty dollars?"