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Joke of the Day

"Nothing says ""I don't take you seriously"" like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him."

"How do you reuse toilet paper? You stick it in some water and boil the shit out of it."

"My cousin was Mulder on Halloween. He loves the X-Files! Oh stupid autocorrect. That should have said ""murdered"". And ""loved"", past tense."

"My girlfriend wanted me to be more flirtatious... So I said, ""I want to make you the 'U' in 'TIFU'"""

"What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall? A broken nose, i will sit in the corner now."

"All my life I've refused to wear perfume. But then an aggressive perfume-salesperson knocked some scents into me."

"I used to be into bestiality, sadism, and necrophilia... But eventually I realized I was beating a dead horse."

"Teacher: What are the four elements? Pupil: Fire Earth Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet? Pupil: Well Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net I'm in my element."

"Why did the blind fly starve to death?? Because he couldn't see shit"

"I want to grow my own food but I can't seem to find any bacon seeds anywhere."