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Joke of the Day

"Describe your latest laid with a movie title! ""The Lone Ranger"" ""Home Alone"" ""Bend It Like Beckham"" Now it's your turn!"

"Must spend less time with my dogs. Haven't bitten the mailman yet but I am starting to circle three times before sitting down."

"Sometimes when I can't sleep I stare into the darkness and think how uncomfortable it must be to have balls between your legs."

"I lost 50 pounds by having my wallet stolen in London AND YOU CAN TOO"

"Why are dead baby jokes the best? Because they never get old."

"Whats the difference between vaginal and anal sex? The vaginal sex can make your day, but anal sex will definitely make your hole weak."

"My girlfriend's not up for being fisted tonight. I guess I'll just put my feet up."

"Make your own bacon by tricking a pig into running headlong through a harp."

"Clerk: Why do you need 200 condoms? Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals"

"*Weather changes* BODY: This is weird. Must have an asthma attack. *Anything else changes* MIND: This is weird. Must have a panic attack."