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Joke of the Day

"Clerk: Why do you need 200 condoms? Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals"

"What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after sex? I'll be home in 20 minutes"

"100% of Guy Fieri fans drive drunk."

"I couldn't think of a good joke Then I looked in the mirror"

"Reminder: Please just hit the ""RT"" button on my tweets if you're ugly. Don't want people associating your busted face with my art."

"The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk."

"What do you call a silent cow canned beef"

"A man takes his shoe off in church... Man 1: *takes off shoe and starts peering inside of it* Man 2: ""What the problem?"" Man 1: *Sighs* "" I guess i'm just having some problems with my inner-sole """

"I'm great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable."

"Jews rated their trip to Auschwitz: ##**They all gave it one star.**"