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Joke of the Day

"No, I'm not an addict I just really really need it."

"Today my wife and I marked our twenty year wedding anniversary. If I would have killed her I would be out of jail by now."

"New documentary about the female menstrual cycle. Available exclusively at Redbox."

"Bill Clinton must be the luckiest man in the world. All of the sex he has, with Hillary, you know it's hate sex."

"How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with , ""A man once told me... """

"[FBI job interview] ""Do you have any self defense training?"" *flashback to hiding behind fence from teenagers* Yes I'm skilled at fencing."

"To: ALL STAFF Subject: FW: RE: RE: FW: FW: FW: RE: RE: FW: RE: RE: FW: FW: How to Effectively Use the E-Mail Subject Line"

"Why is the symbols row of my keyboard swearing at me"

"There once was a fellow McSweeny... Who spilled some gin on his weenie. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, Then slipped his girlfriend a martini!"

"Round Sheep A farmer asked me ""Can you help me round up my sheep?"" I said ""How many have you got?"" He said ""78"" I said ""we will call that 80!"""