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Joke of the Day

"Sleep tight! Your brain is a billion times more complex than your laptop. And laptops break all the time."

"Wife: Don't you think the yard needs to be mowed? (from my recliner I check google maps satellite view of our house) Me: It looks fine to me"

"COWORKER: I'm going to my friend's lake house this weekend for a party. ME: *lying* I also have friends."

"The espresso bar tech visited today... They adjusted my grind, turned up the heat, and blew out my steam wand."

"Love my pillow so much because it doesn't leave my house in the morning after spending the night with me."

"I'm really disappointed after hearing about Trump and the golden shower thing. I thought we had seen the end of republican trickle down economics."

"Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy."

"Do you know what girls say to a guy with a big dick? I do!"

"What do gay midgets have that other gays don't? (OC) Clean knees"

"A family is at the table eating dinner. ""I don't like Grandpa"" said the boy to his Mom. ""That's okay honey, just finish your potatoes instead."" She replied."