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Joke of the Day

"I hate when you compliment on their mustache... ..and suddenly she's not your friend anymore."

"Fun Fact: Organic milk only comes from cows that do yoga and moo about being a vegetarian or marathons they were in."

"My cellphone is incredibly acidic... It's a pH one"

"He's hot, I swear! Hang on, let me find another photo..."

"Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four it'd be a sedan."

"My co worker just asked if I could help file some documents. I said I was working on a huge project while she watched me play solitaire."

"They said I'd have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding my prince. I never found him, but I did find out I'm REALLY into frogs."

"I won't take a bullet for anyone because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move."

"Are you the fourth derivative of a position function? Cause you're a jerk!"

"If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa."