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Joke of the Day

"I won't take a bullet for anyone because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move."

"[wakes up next to perfectly crocheted sweater with knitting needles in hands] Oh dear god not again"

"I asked my North Korean friend how it was to live in North Korea He said he couldn't complain"

"66% of being a woman is just hiding the remote when you're mad"

"What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant? It'll Dimsum."

"What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas? A Wii fit"

"A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression... It's called Trycoxagain"

"What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a pit bull? The pit bull will eventually let go."

"What's better than four roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ"

"Rick Perry was going to do the ALS ice bucket challenge But he couldn't remember the 3rd person he was going to challenge."