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Joke of the Day

"If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa."

"MIND BLOWING SCIENCE FACT: 20% of all car crashes are actually battles between the Autobots and the Decepticons."

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park."

"Judge: You shot him. How do you plead? Me: Bleed? NO. He was the one bleeding Judge: HAHA Me: HAHA *High five? Judge: Ten years with no bail"

"Dragon. Knock Knock? Who's there? Dragon. Dragon who? I was dragon my balls across your mom's face last night."

"What is the difference between 69 and an ambush ? With 69 you see the cunt coming at you."

"If you have sex on a boat... ...is that off-shore drilling?"

"I was on a first date ""How many women have you slept with?"" she asked. I said, ""Do you want me to round it to the nearest ten?"" ""Oh, I say! Go on then,"" she laughed. I said, ""Zero"""

"What's your body type? Mine is ""giant gummy bear."""

"I always try to tell myself that I don't actually hate people as much as I say I do...and then I go to the mall."