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Joke of the Day

"Listen Target, I always try products before I buy them and if that means dry humping the shit out of your body pillows in aisle 9, so be it."

"A good girl bends at the knees... A great girl bends at the hip."

"When I fix someone's computer and they say ""Wow how'd you do that?"" I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face."

"Don't you just hate it when you BP red wine on a white tablecloth? [New verb. Make it so.]"

"What happened when the cannibal was late to the dinner party? He got the cold shoulder."

"If King Kong came to England why would he live in the Tower of London? Because he's a beef-eater."

"If I don't eat all of my food, it goes to waste. If I do eat all of my food, it goes to *waist*."

"Why were the ducks arrested? They were selling quack in the park."

"I wonder if stereotypically romantic Spanish characters...talk in pauses...because they learned...how to speak English...by watching...the subtitles...of romantic movies."

"A few women sit at a table quietly..."