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Joke of the Day

"When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me..."

"People are generally unhappy until they get what they want, then the cycle starts all over again."

"[cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer"

"My friend wants to carve a Venus statue from a tree. That seems like it would take a while, woodentit?"

"I walked in on the janitor using the women's washroom. I asked him what he was doing in there. He said ""The men's washroom is filthy."""

"""I'd have to say my two favorite things are sex, and not having my head bitten off."" -soon to be disappointed praying mantis"

"Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!"

"It was dark and hazy and I accidentally fapped to Rihanna .. thinking she was Halle berry"

"How do you make a baby cry? Drop it. How do you make a baby stop crying? Drop it again."

"Guy : Damn Girl, are you a newspaper? Girl : No, Why? Guy : Because there is a new fucking issue with you every day."